


Pathémata mathémata

by Rroselavy



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-01
Updated: 2010-07-01
Packaged: 2017-10-10 08:28:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/97685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rroselavy/pseuds/Rroselavy





	Pathémata mathémata

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2light4dark](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=2light4dark).



If he were the _old_ Hakkai or even, heaven forbid, _Gonou_, it would be easy to succumb, to sacrifice himself to the awesome power of the Seiten Taisei. As it is, Hakkai is amazed at how strong Goku has become; it seems that the closer they get to India the more power is drawn into his compact frame. He regrets telling the boy that he needed to be stronger for Sanzo.

A roundhouse kick sends him sprawling; he hadn't even seen Goku move. Through a fog he hears Gojyo cursing, but the hanyou knows he's no match for Goku's true form. Hell, Hakkai knows he isn't either; he'd only beat the Seiten Taisei last time by leaching Gat's power. He'll have no such luck this time. He rolls with the momentum, his only hope of escaping lethal, slashing claws, and somehow he manages to. Vines whip toward Goku, more a last line of defense than any kind of offense, but they fall uselessly away from the Sage, slashed to ribbons and then crumpled into twisted brambles.

It's ironic that he'd found the will to live somewhere along this journey with Sanzo, Gojyo and Goku, only for it all to come to such an ignominious end, unable to protect Goku from himself.

Hakkai scrambles to his feet unsteadily and screams for Gojyo to _get the hell away_, hoping his use of the mild profanity will telegraph the grave danger they're in; not that Gojyo hasn't figured that out already. He turns his hands palms up, his _chi_ quickly balling in them. If he's going to die, at least it will be for a noble cause. At least he could return a favor granted so long ago-–a lifetime it seems–-and spare Gojyo's life.

"I'm not leaving, H'kkai!" He hears Gojyo's scream cut through the howling hurricane wind that is being driven by Goku's life-force. Hakkai frowns, but he knows if their places were reversed, he would act the same. Still, he doesn't want Gojyo to watch him die.

"Find Sanzo," Hakkai speaks firmly, his voice barely raising above the storm. "He's our only chance."

Not that Sanzo, wherever he is--or if he's still alive--wouldn't already know what has happened to his charge. The only question is whether he'd arrive in time.

Hakkai turns to face Goku. The Seiten Taisei has been observing him coolly, unnaturally still. He's waiting for Hakkai to make his last stand, His arms loose at His side, legs spread and weight distributed evenly; ready to uncoil at the mere hint of an offense.

"Goku," Hakkai says softly. "You don't want this, I know you wouldn't be able to live with yourself." The Great Sage only cocks his head slightly. Hakkai imagines He can hear the words, but their meaning seems lost on Him.

A flash of red tells Hakkai that Gojyo has launched a daring, suicidal attack. Goku easily bats him away and he lands hard, unmoving. Rage boils up inside Hakkai--he knows that he needs to keep a level head--but it's becoming impossible by the second. The _chi_ explodes forth from his hands. Within the blinding light he sees Goku's silhouette looming, and then He is upon Hakkai and Hakkai's world, thankfully, goes black.

He comes to in excruciating pain. His arms are pinned, immobile, and a weight on his chest is making hit hard to breathe. Hakkai opens his eyes to the cold hard glint of the Seiten Taisei's gaze.

"Goku," he rasps.

Goku will never forgive himself for what is going to happen. Goku would rather kill himself than harm those he cares about. In a moment of clarity, Hakkai realizes this is why Goku loves so fiercely--because he knows innately how easily they could all die at his hands.

He realizes that that's what he regrets most about dying; Goku will have to live with what he's done.

Razor-sharp claws close around his throat then drag along his skin, light enough to keep from breaking through. He's being toyed with, and Hakkai feels every bit the mouse caught between a cat's front paws. And just like that mouse, Hakkai decides that he's not going to give up without a fight. He brings his elbow up hard and across, making solid contact with Goku's jaw, snapping his head back.

The Sage retaliates, shredding Hakkai's shirt, His claws digging into the tender skin of Hakkai's belly. Hakkai feels his guts spilling out; instinctively his hand reaches to cover. And feels nothing, nothing but the moisture of blood seeping out of scratches. He's confused momentarily; this isn't how it's supposed to be … he's _supposed_ to be gutted. And god, he needs a cigarette. That thought alarms Hakkai. He can't stand the filthy habit, but as sure as he's alive, he's craving nicotine.

A low keen sounds in his ears and Hakkai glances up into the Seiten Taisei's murderous stare and, in that moment, it's as if a curtain has been lifted. Hakkai sees Goku standing among hundreds of corpses and, slumped at his feet, the lifeless body of the War Prince. The pieces start falling into place.

"Nataku," he whispers. Hakkai doesn't know where the name comes from, but he does know for certain that that prone form in his vision is Nataku, and Nataku is the War Prince.

The Sage grows eerily still, and suddenly Hakkai can breathe again. Something flares in Goku's eyes, something akin to recognition and Hakkai reaches for Him. He wends his fingers delicately through the long strands of the Seiten Taisei's wild hair. Hakkai feels the raw power coursing under his fingertips, and something else … sorrow. Sorrow deeper than anything he's ever felt. It paralyzes Hakkai, twists through him. He wonders if Sanzo's ever experienced it when he's been in close quarters with the Seiten Taisei, in the next breath he knows with certainty that Sanzo has felt it. In his mind's eye he can see Goku cuddled bonelessly in Sanzo's lap after one of his episodes. And then the vision fades to black and he's back at the other gory scene. He watches three figures emerge from a shrouded mist -- a tall, willowy blond with droopy eyes, dressed in diaphanous fabric,s and two brunets in vaguely military attire. One of them could be his twin, the other, Gojyo's. The images, along with names – Konzen, Tenpou, Kenren – come at him fast and furious.

"It's me … Tenpou," he says breathlessly, not really knowing how he knows that, but knowing in his heart he's speaking the truth. "Ten-ichan," he says more confidently.

This time, he won't fail Goku. This time, _they_ won't fail him. Back then, Hakkai realizes, they couldn't protect him. Hakkai also knows with certainty that his innards did spill out on a sterile tiled floor; he died alone thinking about the mess he left behind in his living quarters, Kenren gone before him, Konzen desperately stealing Goku away.

They'd all died except Goku … and he … he was punished for an eternity. Until Sanzo found him. Again. Tears wet Hakkai's lashes, and for the first time since he watched Kanan's life slip away from him, Hakkai allows them to fall. The Great Sage's tongue licks them off his cheek, bringing him back to the present.

This time Gojyo's not dead, and he isn't, either. And Hakkai remembers it all now. He remembers what has been locked away from Goku forever, but what burdens his true form, what drives Him mad. He remembers the subterfuge, recalls that Goku never had a chance in Tenkai, that his days there were numbered from the time the Merciful Goddess deposited him in Konzen's care.

And Hakkai knows that he's not what Goku needs or wants, but right now, he's all Goku's got. He feels the Seiten Tasei's pain and confusion washing over him, he feels his own phantom wound, the slow pulsing of his heart as he bled out eons ago, feels Kenren's life-force drifting away … feels the ache in his heart because he knows their mission then was futile and suicidal. But this is not then.

"Goku," he whispers again. And then Hakkai crushes their lips together. He doesn't know what's come over him, what he's certain of, though, is that it was the right move to make. Goku's body folds against him, his weight is no longer asphyxiating Hakkai, now it's simply a warm press of living flesh.

"HAKKAI!" Gojyo's voice is pained and Hakkai wants to tell him that it's okay, that he knows what he's doing. This time he can save Goku. Or at least fend off the madness until Sanzo arrives with his sutra and chants. Hakkai doesn't want to think about the alternative, and soon he's not of a mind to, soon he's losing the ability to think at all beyond the raw power that is invading every fiber of his being. He could swear that Goku is a virgin, but the creature that responds to Hakkai and wrests control from him doesn't seem inexperienced at all. Hakkai would like to dwell on that, but the hardness of Goku's body against him as He invades Hakkai's mouth with his sinewy tongue, hungrily and thoroughly exploring every ridge and dip, drives all thought away. At the same time, the Seiten Tasei grinds against Hakkai, frotting with abandon, and God as his witness, Hakkai doesn't want his body to respond, but Goku's musk fills his nose, and the heady scent of His arousal causes a reciprocal ache in Hakkai's loins. He moans softly.

"DAMN YOU, MONKEY!" Gojyo's voice roars. Hakkai breaks the kiss and turns his head to a heat-breaking sight. Gojyo is crawling towards them, his eyes ablaze with … jealous rage. Up until that second, Hakkai had no idea, but that makes sense now, too. They were lovers … in Tenkai.

"Why now?" he whispers. Then, when he feels the Sage turning his attention to Gojyo, he speaks louder. "Goku, it's ok. It's only Kenren. He won't hurt you." _Ken-nii'san_. His heightened sense of hearing picks up the vibrations of someone approaching, Hakkai feels Goku's body tensing, He pulls away from Hakkai. He's heard the subsonic foot-falls too, and now His attention is drawn to the tree line that surrounds the small glen that they ended up in.

"Sanzo!" Hakkai calls out weakly in warning as Goku slips from his grasp completely. Relief floods Hakkai as he hears the monk's voice sing out, and then the clearing is set ablaze with light and Goku drops like a stone at Sanzo's feet, an eerie echo to the recollection now burned indelibly into Hakkai's memory. He closes his eyes, drained of his strength.

"C'mon 'Kai, open your eyes! You're scaring me!" Gojyo's breath ghosts over his face. Hakkai manages a smile, and it must be reassuring because he sees the worry lines ease on Gojyo's forehead.

"I'm all right," he manages. He tries to sit up and ends up reclined against Gojyo. "You have an uncanny habit of saving me," Hakkai remarks evenly. Gojyo runs his fingers through Hakkai's hair, smoothing it out.

"No, I couldn't stop 'im." Gojyo berates himself. Hakkai reaches up and twines his fingers with Gojyo's and squeezes them reassuringly. There's so much he wants to say, but for the moment Hakkai is content to be in Gojyo's arms. He feels efficient fingers clipping his limiters back on, feels the alien force of his youkai power vanish into the cool evening air.

Hakkai glances across the glade and sees that Sanzo has pulled Goku into his lap. Their eyes meet and an understanding passes between them. The time for talking is later. But one thing Hakkai is sure of; they are all going to be okay.


End file.
